Perfect

What happens when you desperately try to locate your 'home' on Google maps?
What happens when you smile at the virtual pleasure of that landmark near by being sighted?
What happens when you cannot enact the 'sugar and spice everything nice' act over and over again?
What happens when you are too tired for 'adjustments'?
What happens when you begin early? Seventeen to be precise. Leave home, start adjusting, fight and smile back at hostile faces?
What happens when everyone around you fails to understand?
What happens when for that brief minute you face the mirror?
What happens when resilience, energy, enthusiasm, charm and the long list of adjectives wear off?

You grow old. You smile back. You cry. You ask for space. You end up at chaos. Chaos within self and surroundings.

You have to be the perfect one. Pretend and play. Bleed and cry. Repeat.

Ekti na howa kothopokothon

"Tor chokh gulo boddo beshi ujjol..amar khub bhoy kore"
"Tomar chokher operation hoyechey shunlam, runa bolchilo, ekhon kemon ache"
"bhoy keno? hariye jabar bhoy"
"hya, ar ki ei boyoshey ja hoy. tobe dactar tar hath bhalo"
"hariye kothay jabo bolto? sei to ei 10 foot by 10 foot"
"Sei..aajkal to shunchi edeshey khub bhalo hoye geche medical facilities. eto nursing home hoyechey."
"tomar boddo urtey iche korey...tai na? amader ki hobe bhabo kokhono"
"nursing home tomar moto borolokera jetey parey, amader jonyo sorkari hashpatal i bhalo..segulo kintu kharap na"
"ki abar hobe? tokeo niye jabo to amar sathe"
"ha ha ha! tomar ei purono deshopremi habbhab ta gelo na"
"boyei gechey amar kothau jetey. ami keno jabo....amar ki keu nei naki, tumi jekhane bolbe sekhaneyi jetey hobe"
"sei jonnoi to deshotyagi howar tokma theke bechey gelam"
"ke ache shuni tor?"
.......
"keno, amar baba ache, ma ache, dadabhai ache..tara keu noy? amar college gate er thik ulto dikey jodu dar dokan ache....amay sedin boleche jano, 'ekdin bondhuder niye esho na tumi, khub bhalo shingara hoy bikeler dikey, khawabo'......ar ei kolkata shohor ta achey na?"
.......
"uhhhhh!!! shingara khawabe..geleyi parishto. thakish oi jodu da ar ei nongra shohortake niye...diner modhye 28 ghonta loadshedding, raat furoleyi michhil ar mukhey shob boro boro kotha..hyan karenga, tyan karenga....sob jholakadhey chollo deshoddhar kortey...fnokey to shob biri, ar gachtolar nichey boshey kobita lekhey...oi shob bostapocha kobita poreyi tor mathata geche"
..........
"bah! tomar jeno ei shohorta kichu noy. jokhon onek durey chole jabe tokhon bujhbe. tokhon oi parar cricket o thakbe na, amio na"
.........
"bollam to jash na.....thak ei pocha deshey....samner bochorer modhyei scholarship ta peye jabo...odeshey gekley dekhbi sob kotto shundor, darun darun bari, gari...."
.........
"Tumi ar kono din firbe na na?"
...........
"Ke boleche firbo na. Pagol. chutitey ashbo to re amra.....tui ar ami."
..........
"Bollam to ami kotthau jabo na....."
...........
"Besh thak tahole ei edo golitey....ar tor jodu dake niye.....ke boleche jetey toke"

Na Jodu da na. Tar bodoley ek sorkari office er mash mainer kerani, tar dour o sei sorkari hashpatal, kintu badhon ta sompurno ei shohortake ghirey. Roj doshta paanchtar jiboney se protimuhurtey ghran ney ei shohorer shukno koltolar....noirbyaktik tubelight ar chitke dheye asha cricket ball er sutrey bhenge jawa kacher. majhe majhe boley "orey toder jalay ki baritey lok jon o daka jabena....khabarer modhye eshey porlo to re ball ta"

Bohujuger opaar hotey tai jokhon ekti ashchorjo rokomer shotti kalponik ghotonar choritra mukhomukhi eshey daray tokhon shudhuyi "deshotyagi" tokma ta bechey thakey. Bhalor jonnoi. Mondor jonno o botey.

Krittogota shwikarey Suchitra Bhattacharya' r ekti chotogolpo....naam ta mone porche na...tobe oi je jar sesh ey ekey oporke proshnochinher asheypashey daar koriye dey ekti proshno- "tui ki amay kokhono kichu bolteye cheyechili"

(Sorry for not typing this out in Bengali. Am getting lazier by the day. Also, reading a very interesting book on linguistic politics in India..so.....and that topped with bong craving for chalshey pora prem- That precisely describes this!)

Dear Ophiuchus, Why I am still a true blue Capricorn

Are you in for interesting conversations? Are you the kinds who are interested in almost everything? Do you take a look at the day's predictions in the newspaper before you head towards work? umm...do you still love going back to your tattered copy of Linda Goodman as soon as you come across the cute guy in the office gym or college library? Well! you are in for a talkathon then...this week, the coming one and the ones yet to come....because your predestined zodiac might just have changed places. err...quite so!

I think by now we are all aware that because of this new star called Ophiuchus in place, the constellation has one more to think about and predict. That takes the count up from the normal twelve to thirteen...and more interestingly, turns me a saggi from what I believed was a straight out of your wikipedia guide for a capricorn woman (yes! I believe in randomly reading up stuff and that includes the typical capricorn woman)

I know for a fact that the applicability starts 2011 onwards and that I remain safe in my zodiac zone, but the fact that my children may bear another sign while the copybook classic lists his/her characteristics as of something else is truly disturbing. As disturbing as the fact that nobody, no goddamned star can take away the fact that I am ambitious and strong willed. Or for that matter the fact that I love my family and believe in keeping in touch with people. I simply do not understand the concept of establishing yourself as a honcho sort of person by being arrogant with your near and dear ones. Well! if you are good enough, you will automatically be considered one. No need to shout from rooftops. You may credit my upbringing for this but the fact remains that I love making new ties but never at the cost of old ones. Being rude is not a part of my dictionary and people who know me, and that includes my extended family, will vouch for that. But, wait! I can be rude and be that perfect snob.....only in case you don't return the loyalty. Yes. Like any other Capricorn worth it's salt, am truly committed and loyal to any relationship I undertake..and the severity increases with the proximity. In case you betray me, I exercise the delete button. I lost people in my life, people whom I considered a dear friend, almost a soul sister, but then it was not meant to be that way. But then again it was my decision to not forget the betrayal. Actually, betrayal hurts in any form. Being soft on it is actually good for oneself, but even when you are unceremoniously used as a toy stuff, I am not the one to forget it that easily. It might be a different question altogether that I do not believe in revenge. It's just that you go out. And even if you stay on, you must have done something really good :P. But all said and done, if you count me as a friend, be rest assured, I will be the perfect agony aunt and stand by you when you need me the most.  

And I believe in waiting for the perfect one. No less. I am practical enough to understand the value of adjustments and compromises one makes for true love...but if it is undervalued at the cost of your own self respect I exercise the delete button. Yet again. But once I make the connect, I will stand by. 

None of these, stops me from being occasionally moody, sometimes unreasonably stubborn and to an extent a workaholic....or should I say obsessive. I am obsessed with particular ideas and they range form shahrukh khan to people I randomly meet. Studying people is kind of an interest and in case that person is of the opposite sex, the general presumption of a crush arise. Like it happened in case of Shashi Tharoor. But twenty three years of wisdom (or the lack of it) has made me realise the difference between the two. I can read on them, study them for weeks together. And interestingly they stay that way. The most recent addition to the list is 'North Calcutta'.

So even if I am a Saggi now according to your star chart, it doesn't stop me from being a Capricorn right?

Have you ever been in love?

So how do you fall in love? How did 'you' fall in love?

Drop in a line...in case anybody reads it. whether fulfilled or not...love is all about being happy and just like being bong (wink!) it's a state of mind too!

My friends are fighting over arranged love v/s proper love shove over a story I wrote long back, on my facebook profile. Come to think of it, I never thought about it anyways. Shobhaa De' once famously advocated arranged marriages (Yes! I read her books too! you are free to judge me though) in her book 'Spouse'. So am not completely averse to the idea. The binding factor just needs to be that feeling. Feeling 'out of the world'. And it might just be for the new pair of shoes you bought for yourself, freshly painted rooms, phuchka, Dev in Le Chakka/Premer Kahini, or just the classic Soumitra singing "Hoyto tomaari jonyo..hoyehci premey je bonyo/ jani tumi ononyo...ashar haat barayi...."

Has it ever happened to you?

Things on my mind.

1. Onion inflation is really taking a toll on my life. The onion salad which made bland mess food appear somewhat eatable is missing. Not that I blame the mess contractor, he his left with no other option with Rs.70/kg (+-10) price tag. But it makes me miss home like anything. The rising prices were just another newspaper story for me other than my mom cribbing about the rising prices with the cook who sometimes tend to waste a little bit more. But then again, in case I wanted that extra onion chaska in my omlette, it sounded normal. Not anymore. It just makes me realise how my friends and cousins are pampered at home. Be it 70 or 100 my parents won't mind me getting onions in case I promised to eat the full egg. Not in hostel. It's not completely untrue that hostel life is a complete leveller. And not completely unfair also. But you somehow end up missing home.

2. Do dooni char is an amazing film. Perhaps one of the finest I have seen in a long long time. Reminds me of the Basu Chatterjee-Hrishikesh Mukherjee era where the stories of the common man was part of the ballad. This film starring Rishi and Neetu Kapoor in their first appearance together after marriage and kids (which includes certain Ranbir Kapoor) is a very realistic portrayal of a middle class Delhi couple with two kids to worry about thinking about the big leap from owning a scooter to owning a car. Hats off! the 'rafu chakkar' guys have still that crackling chemistry on screen. The way rishi kapoor goes to a wedding wearing the pagdi, suit and sports shoes make you feel like it's almost the same punjabi uncle you had met at karolbagh. The way they talk, they think and the status symbol they would acquire through a car..that 'showoff' bit that comes along with the Delhi package..all so truly portrayed. A must watch recommendation for all.

P.S.- Rishi Neetu did a fleeting appearance together in 'Love aaj kal', but then that was not this fun and long lived.

3. Talking about the 'aam aadmi', am really concerned about the onion prices now since the three weeks time limit suggested by Mr. Pawar, the agricultural minister, is over. Are you listening Mr. Pawar? Hello!!! It cost the NDA an entire election.

4. Now that the common outrage is evident, I think not picking up Dada for IPL by any team was a bad cricketing decision. But it might prove to be an even worse business decision for KKR. While it will be interesting to see that how do they build up a cricket brand based out of Kolkata without dada, my bet is on the fact that there can be no 'sporting' brand in kolkata without dada. basiclly brand kkr? what's that? 

poor srk..he is always surrounded by such stupid advisors who keep on suggesting outrageous solutions like may be that four captain policy. The tax troubles just add up to his woes.

And Dada, you will emerge an winner. what's 4 crore in front of a million hearts?

5. The recruitment is on the last stage. I so hope all my friends land up a job in the next few days..so that the rest of the semester turns out to be a never ending party. Err! it already is with hardly a few left and all of us pitching in for others....but one thing that makes me feel really proud is the fact that our batch broke that overwhelming NALSAR myth that cgpa is the end all of everything. It just went bonkers this time. NALSAR batch of 2006-2011....joy, ecstasy, depression, desperation, fights, cold wars...we have seen it all...but when we go out...we will be a happy batch. I know that for sure. *touchwood*

Reminiscence Part 1

"Tafree ho gayi"
"Chappal kaha hain mere...chappal nikaal ke marenge"
"Beti ki saale" (that was supposed to be a gaali"
"Pappa ko sab pata hain"
"Yaar!!!! bohot ganda khana hain...chal dhaba chaltey hain"
"Fehla do!"
"Aaj na kutte ban jeyenge"
"Treat de de yaar"
"ghar se khane ka kya lekey aayi hain"
"aaj room saaf karana hain yaar"
"ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...."
"Chalo yaar lets play chuppa chuppi"
"12'o clock common room.....'s birthday"
"chal na lane pe ek chakkarlagatey hain"
"8'o clock dinner.."
"saali!!!! hot banke ghum rahi hain"
"eeeeee.....compulsureeeeeeeee"
"kuch khane ko hain?"
"section 377 has been read down.....yeah!!!!" ".....kya nautanki hain yaar"
"chal iska na .....ke saath link up kar dete hain....barein dono walk shwalk pe jaaney lage hain"
"library card kho gaya mera"
"yaar registrar ne bulalli.....kaal late aa gaya tha na"
"submission over..aaj to party karenge"
"tere shaadi mein to bin bulaaye pahuch jayenege aur .... .... chillayenge"
"go ...th years"
"and the carpe diem champions are...the 4th years"

bits and pieces of conversations. bits and pieces of existence around the four corners of a campus which have always been the walled city for it's occupants. and now when it is almost time to leave, the realisation dawns that it has somehow got intertwined with the lives of the ones who ones hated returning back to it after holidays....away from home, family and the rest of the civilisation. we started our journeys here as eighteen year olds...the ones who have earned their entry through the haloed portals by cracking a coveted national level exam. Were we snobs? of course we were..it felt nice and good when people at internships gave you extra advantage just because you were from NALSAR. The name obviously helped us in taking that big step forward in our careers.....but more than that, it made us learn how to survive in this big, bad, world...alone and as a team. Five years down the line...when it is almost time to leave, I feel home.

Back and twenty three!

It's good to be back after so long. Especially when shades of blue, red and green appear on the mind scape. You know sometimes this distance and space from the cyber world work wonders for you. Well! it does for me.  Not that I was completely cut off or something, I checked facebook and important emails at regular internvals, but didn't visit my blog once....and am surprised to see the follower count go up and one new persistent reader from Fort Wayne, Indiana regularly visiting the blog when I didn't even post anything. Thank you so much who ever you are and whatever you are fishing for (pun intended with a pinch of salt :P)...much appreciated.
To answer the more pertinent query as to where have I been and doing what through these two months will be like telling you the stories of how much I loved doing pre christmas shopping at New Market (and that includes the chocolate fudge from Nahoums) or for that matter how the Taj Mahal made me realise it's a life worth living and loving.
And yes, I turned twenty three this december...twenty three years of wisdom and hardly five six years of knowing the way of the world...heartbreak, jealousy, rumours, true friends, mock friends, plastic, stilletos, Tagore, Lahiri, Law, Sen, Poverty classes, Prof. Dhanda, Constitution, problematisation, parties, hostel life, saris and ecstasy, music, ddlj, shahrukh khan and that eternal faith and believe in true love and life- No regrets, It's always better to learn the hard way round (and that includes how to make sure your luggage is recovered while the airlines people lose it). and there is more to come. *touchwood* I won't exchange being Paushali De and my family for anything in this world. Anything.

Thank you God for everything.