Monday, April 2, 2012

How to tell the world that you are in love- a bong woman's guide to glory :)

(This is something I wrote as a facebook post a few months back. Back then, I was still a corporate slave. A lot of things have changed since then. And suddenly one fine day it turned out to be one of the controversial notes that I wrote. Sarcasm, thou is not every one's cup of tea. And so are you Mr.' sen'se of humour :) A little editing later, the much hallowed note makes it's debut on my blog. Read on.)

Google is a wonderful thing. Nowadays every other person claim to know a lot and even more dangerously have an opinion on everything, all thanks to- yes! you guessed it right- "Google" [The veracity of what they speak and the grammar (ah! spellings) are completely different stories though.] So in case you don't know it, just google it..or log onto Twitter. But the point is not that. The point that I am solely concerned as of now is about the search options Google gives. Once you punch in a few words, it gives you suggesstions.
So I am this seemingly well paid corporate slave trying to unearth some data on the business profile of a client and I have to start from scratch. What better options than logging on to Google? I did that and was stumbled. Google gives you suggesstions like "how to get pregnant" (?!) No seriously! And then there was this one suggestion which really got me hooked- "How to tell the world that you are in love" You may laugh yuou heart out but how bourgeois can Google get? Sorry! but that's the only interpretation I can think of right now (with all the seemingly colourful activities going on around me :P) I have a few pointers though. The way you can tell the world that you are in love- or to put it simply to show off your High market value boyfriend/fiance :P Don't blame me it for being an inherently 'bong' take on the issue as you might well know by now that I was the one who had once famously propounded that -"Being Boing is a state of mind" (Don't believe me, ask a few people from NALSAR) :)

1. First and foremost- update your relationship status on Facebook. In case you doing that on Orkut, you are plain and simple orkutiya. Count the comments, and individually reply to each one of them. Behave as you are blushing and play the cat and mosue game about telling 'who is the lucky one'

2. Post some randomly nice pictures taken on prinscep ghat or victoria. Of yours alone....but make it evident that you were with someone. Of course! who goes to Victoria alone, until and unless you still believe in "Long live the queen" 

3. A few days back "someone's" mother gifted me  a Nabaneeta Dev Sen book. She writes there in somewhere about the crisis called love :) and she quotes a famous saying of her generation that Bengali men and women used to quite religiously follow- "Prem korbo jethay sethay, biye korbo baper kothay" (roughly translates to- Will love/flirt around with anybody or somebody, but will marry some one proper as per my father's wish). Sadly, this holds true for my generation and may be everyother generation to come. The generation befores iconized the proverbial 'love marriage' (the concept which the 'west') still fails to understand and nowadays it's not even looked down upon. But the truth is even more simpler. Love marraiges nowadays are more akin to marriages of convenience (and I am no where excluding arranged marriages, just that they are more 'to the point' :P. The bengali girl's heart, more often than not, reaches out for that software engineer from an ivy league institution and ample monetary opportunities. That background was heavy, but that brings us to the thrid point.

She will wear those off the racks designer dresses that he must have got for her and will gleefully smile at those jealous glances of her friends and tell them "O na baire thekey eney diyechey" (He has got it for me froim abroad). The more the glances, the borader the smiles :)

4. She would be th hottest chick having a ball around the town, but once he meets that perfect IITian boyfriend of hers, she will gladly move on to salwar kameezes. When asked she wil say- "O na amar low cut blouses pora pochondo korey na" (He doesn't like me wearing low cut blouses). Telegraph rightly said- "O boleche" is the end of the world! (sigh! for those non bengali speaking people who don't understand the greatness of "o boleche" :P)

5. She will speak  in hushed tones and will grin ear to ear about those constant phone calls and when teased about them in the family gathering full of mashi, pishi and didimas. And then the proverbial  bengali meyer ma (girl's mom) will jump into the action. Mind you that's another way to show off- "tutun er jonyo na ekta khub bhalo patro peyechi. IIT r chele. Software Engineer. Amerciay thake. Ora khub jorajuri korche biyer jonyo...chele to amar meyer jonyo pagol...biyer pore ora states ei chole jabe....newo na ei chocolate ta arektu newo na....oi pathiyechey..onek to pathateyi thake... chocolates, perfume, dresses....sob tutun er jonyo" (We have found a very good match for tutun you know. The guy is from IIT. He is a Software Engineer and stays in America. The guy's side is pressing for marraige soon....the guy is crazy about my girl you know. They will live in States only after marraige....have some more chocolates...he only sent....arey! he keeps on sending chocolates, perfumes, dresses for our tutun")

IIT, software Engineer and America. Three words and the magic is done on everyone....the mashima, didima, uncle, aunty....they will now discuss about the guy's pay package and the Dollars he earns. Recession, Credit Rating downgrade are forgotten words then :P

6. Trust me, she will never forget to mention the IIT and the America tag everytime a friend asks her completely unrelated stuff like "How did you meet?"

7. Last on my mind as of now...(but definitely not the least)....a person I knew once used to show off her love by posting cosy (ok! that's not the word)...ummmm seriously lovey dovey (read: toucht touchy) pictures of her boyfriend(s)...(she eventually married one of them) on a very public forum like Orkut....and the album was for everyone to see. so you know that next time you go on a date, know how to click pictures and how to upload them on facebook (orkut, sheesh!) 

P.S. Not everything written here is from personal experience, nor did I ever deny that I wasn't the true bong girl who doesn't mind showing off her Fiance who can buy her.....(let that be a seceret) :) :
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